Cori, you've nailed this mindset. It's a younger me and lots of others I know. Is this particular to women do you think? Ah, these mind games we play on ourselves! Thank you for another fantastic read. I'm going to think about this for a long time.
Oh, my, Cori, are you and I the same person? With our desire to help others - with our NEED to help others, we forget ourselves. We are so busy employing our mental muscles to pull apart a situation until it looks much like an unfinished puzzle. We're trying to emulate the picture on the box as we put our friends in need back together again. We cannot do it all, nor can we expect ourselves to do it with perfection. Many times, the best way to help another is to be direct and straightforward. In that way we are not being demanding of our time and mental capacities. Thank you for this blog - it will help many of us as we try to maintain a balance of self-care and other-care.
Unfortunately, I spend so much more time thinking about helping than actually helping! I'm slowly getting better at cutting myself off from rumination and actually doing something, however imperfect.
Isn't it amazing how much things differ between North American cities? Looking at Europe, we should have more cultural differences and way weirder accents. Unless I say process or about people assume I'm Canadian. I've never had anyone point out that I say water and coffee like a Jersey Girl. Maybe they're just being polite.
I think New York is just a less user friendly city, so it requires a lot more strategizing and optimizing to get through the day. It also makes a big difference that in Toronto I lived in the center of the city and worked from home! My mental load is lighter.
My life in NYC involved a lot of bathroom strategizing and a mental map of all the public restrooms! In NYC I pee before taking the subway, because you just never know when you're going to get stuck underground for a while or unable to find a bathroom. Toronto is hardly awash in public restrooms, but it's better than NYC and a smaller city with a more reliable transit system.
It was shocking to be able to go to stores to make a return or even call customer support and be treated like a reasonable person making a reasonable request. I didn't realize how much I braced myself for interactions with shop employees and service providers until I was in a place where I could assume they'd be friendly and helpful rather than act like they work for TSA. I was amazed by how often I had to ask for help, since we don't think of things being very different between the two countries, but I keep coming up with more stupid questions for people and they keep being very nice about it.
Another big invisible difference is that in Toronto I have access to medical care without any copays. While lots of people complain about getting appointments, I've never had a wait time with my doctor and even got in to see specialists quickly for trivial complaints. I didn't realize how much I had this constant sense of potential impending doom until it shifted and became much smaller. I imagine that changes how I interpret...everything that happens in my life.
During the pandemic my paperwork was a mess. It was no big deal to enter Canada with basically no proof whatsoever of my status, since it's all in the system. I would never assume it would work that way going into the US! Taking care of official errands in Toronto is hardly a pleasure, it just feels less like public servants are miserable enough to get their kicks by making my life harder. It took me like six tries to get a library card in Brooklyn.
It's not as simple as that New Yorkers are rude and Torontonians are nice, nor is that true! Maybe when I first moved to Toronto people were less stressed out, which has changed during the pandemic and as housing prices rise. People who are operating at maximum capacity already just have less patience and less ability to be friendly.
I do wonder how much of it is the cities and how much is my own circumstances being different! It's a joy to visit NYC now. It feels very different from the city I moved out of.
Cori, you've nailed this mindset. It's a younger me and lots of others I know. Is this particular to women do you think? Ah, these mind games we play on ourselves! Thank you for another fantastic read. I'm going to think about this for a long time.
Oh, my, Cori, are you and I the same person? With our desire to help others - with our NEED to help others, we forget ourselves. We are so busy employing our mental muscles to pull apart a situation until it looks much like an unfinished puzzle. We're trying to emulate the picture on the box as we put our friends in need back together again. We cannot do it all, nor can we expect ourselves to do it with perfection. Many times, the best way to help another is to be direct and straightforward. In that way we are not being demanding of our time and mental capacities. Thank you for this blog - it will help many of us as we try to maintain a balance of self-care and other-care.
I love the puzzle visual!
Unfortunately, I spend so much more time thinking about helping than actually helping! I'm slowly getting better at cutting myself off from rumination and actually doing something, however imperfect.
I'd love to know more about differences in how NYers and Canadians (specifically Toronto) think. Would you say Torontans?
Close, it's Torontonians.
Isn't it amazing how much things differ between North American cities? Looking at Europe, we should have more cultural differences and way weirder accents. Unless I say process or about people assume I'm Canadian. I've never had anyone point out that I say water and coffee like a Jersey Girl. Maybe they're just being polite.
I think New York is just a less user friendly city, so it requires a lot more strategizing and optimizing to get through the day. It also makes a big difference that in Toronto I lived in the center of the city and worked from home! My mental load is lighter.
My life in NYC involved a lot of bathroom strategizing and a mental map of all the public restrooms! In NYC I pee before taking the subway, because you just never know when you're going to get stuck underground for a while or unable to find a bathroom. Toronto is hardly awash in public restrooms, but it's better than NYC and a smaller city with a more reliable transit system.
It was shocking to be able to go to stores to make a return or even call customer support and be treated like a reasonable person making a reasonable request. I didn't realize how much I braced myself for interactions with shop employees and service providers until I was in a place where I could assume they'd be friendly and helpful rather than act like they work for TSA. I was amazed by how often I had to ask for help, since we don't think of things being very different between the two countries, but I keep coming up with more stupid questions for people and they keep being very nice about it.
Another big invisible difference is that in Toronto I have access to medical care without any copays. While lots of people complain about getting appointments, I've never had a wait time with my doctor and even got in to see specialists quickly for trivial complaints. I didn't realize how much I had this constant sense of potential impending doom until it shifted and became much smaller. I imagine that changes how I interpret...everything that happens in my life.
During the pandemic my paperwork was a mess. It was no big deal to enter Canada with basically no proof whatsoever of my status, since it's all in the system. I would never assume it would work that way going into the US! Taking care of official errands in Toronto is hardly a pleasure, it just feels less like public servants are miserable enough to get their kicks by making my life harder. It took me like six tries to get a library card in Brooklyn.
It's not as simple as that New Yorkers are rude and Torontonians are nice, nor is that true! Maybe when I first moved to Toronto people were less stressed out, which has changed during the pandemic and as housing prices rise. People who are operating at maximum capacity already just have less patience and less ability to be friendly.
I do wonder how much of it is the cities and how much is my own circumstances being different! It's a joy to visit NYC now. It feels very different from the city I moved out of.
Yes want to hear about this too please. I love that you maintain a Brooklyn therapist so the person is not distracted by your nuerotism. :)
I guess I'm interested because I've spent formative years in DC and the Midwest ((US).