When therapy isn't accessible
Hate reads, Eliza, finding a pen
One of my hobbies is reading classic self help books. Ideally, I can track down an ancient copy from the dusty shelves of a library and compare it to the latest version. Often, it's changed pretty significantly. I delight in finding the bits that have aged badly enough to feel shocking so I can text them to my friends.1
As much as this is classic hate reading behavior, even the worst books hit on some solid teachings. Some of them turn out to be just plain good books, full of actionable advice and timeless wisdom. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is one of them.
I suspect it took me this long to pick up David Burns' classic because the fastest way to move up my list is to have one of my friends text me about how awful a book is. Plenty of my friends roll their eyes at the thought of being referred to CBT yet again with no alternative treatment options, but so far no one has sent me any hilariously cringy quotes from Burns.
Feeling Good is meant to be cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in book form. It can be used alone or alongside other therapy. My indirect experience with CBT led me to expect lots of badly designed worksheets and borderline patronizing (or straight up patronizing) suggestions. Instead, Feeling Good presents us with some truths we may not want to hear and then encourages us to do what we know needs to be done, all in the warm tone of an experienced therapist/dad.
One fantastic summary of Feeling Good that's not actually a summary of the book whatsoever because it's not even about the book, is Adam Mastroianni's So you wanna de-bog yourself.
In an era when therapy2 is inaccessible3 to many of those who would like to participate in it, Feeling Good is incredibly accessible. It's been in print longer than I've been alive, so there's a copy floating around somewhere — the book store's $1 table, a little free library, the shelves of an actual library, or $1.99 as an ebook (if you don't have Libby).
Another way to access CBT (or its sibling, dialectical behavioral therapy, DBT) on your own is by finding one of the many CBT and DBT inspired apps. MoodTools, Clarity, MoodKit and Happify are popular options.
Another app worth mentioning is 7 Cups, which connects people to volunteer listeners for peer support. If you're looking to give and get support, Therapeer is an interactive peer support community. Or, you know, our FB groups.
An option that the internet likes to fret about is to open up Google's Gemini, ChatGPT, and Copilot. There are therapy specific AI tools, like Abby, Pi, Wysa, and Woebot. You can talk to an AI psychologist at character.ai. All AI tools will practice active listening, encourage CBT and mindfulness techniques, and walk you through problem solving steps. And if you want to go old school, you can still talk to Eliza.
The ultimate in old school therapy is journaling. I could suggest more apps, but my favorite is pen and paper. Or, because I can never find a pen these days,4 the notes app in my phone.
I, too, am surprised they haven’t blocked my number yet.
I just finished reading Bad Therapy, which is another excellent book. I know I’m not supposed to find myself nodding along to Abigail Shrier, but that’s what happened.
It’s not your imagination: even if you have good insurance, getting it to cover therapy is weirdly impossible. If, despite the odds being against you, you’d like to try to find a therapist, this is how to go about it.
This summer I needed to fill out a form at an office, but there were no pens, not even pens connected to chains. I was at a big subway station, yet I had to walk 10 minutes to find a shop where I could buy a pen. How the world has changed.