I don't even feel human anymore. Or, I suppose, I feel all too human in a world without any real humans left - kind of like the scene in Spirited Away when dusk is setting in and Chihiro sees the place turn into an actual ghost town. As in the movie, everyone in the world is cold, distant, and scary, and so I've become at risk of losing myself and disappearing, just like Chihiro. [If only all I had to do was eat some food to come back to myself!] Why do I feel this way? Because no one truly empathizes nor cares anymore.
Other people's emotions and problems have become the ultimate taboo and the easiest things to dismiss; and, in an age that favours individualism, 'self-growth,' and stereotypical 'success,' behaving 'discerningly' has become the easiest to defend as the way one should 'set boundaries.'
But the reality is this: Judging and ghosting people is not kind. Dismissing their lived experience and emotions is not kind. Discarding friendships because of one's own judgement of another person, especially without discussing it with them first to try to work through things, is not kind. Disregarding people's legitimate health issues, blaming them for their symptoms, labeling them as lazy and negative, and implying they're useless, is not kind. Refusing to see positives in others is not kind. Ignoring what there is to be grateful for in a relationship, is not kind. Condemning others for their struggle and where they're at in the often rigged process of betterment, is not kind.
Being an arrogant bully in the name of 'self-growth' and 'spiritualism', is not kind!
I've had far too many people treat me this way in the past 4 years. I have things to work on, sure; and I am working on them. It's not me, it's a trend; one that crushes people at their most vulnerable.
Beware the self-growth hypocrite who thinks you're great until you've gotten comfortable and trusting enough with them to disclose your true vulnerabilities, and then thinks you should work on yourself - by their standards, for their benefit - or else you're worthless to them. It's the most toxic type of person I've come across - and I grew up in an alcoholic household!
It does seem like any tie can be loosened or broken as long as someone is declared “toxic.” There’s no room for being honest about your life when the rule is good vibes only our you’re out. It’s unfortunate that discarding people has become so popular in self-help these days. I suppose life is simpler when they ditch anyone who might need emotional support, until the time comes when they need help.
I'm glad that you realize the issue is people who are afraid of vulnerability and not you.
Interesting and timely post for me. Hubby is under Hospice care, and I was just reading about this in Barbara Kearns' book, "The Final Act of Living." Thanks for a different perspective.
First, I am on the receiving end of a host of support, and for that I am grateful. As to the book, there are several chapters that I keep re-reading, especially concerning what to expect at end of life. I have discussed several things from the book with our Hospice nurse, and she has verified them. It helps to know what to look for, even though we know that everyone is different.
I don't even feel human anymore. Or, I suppose, I feel all too human in a world without any real humans left - kind of like the scene in Spirited Away when dusk is setting in and Chihiro sees the place turn into an actual ghost town. As in the movie, everyone in the world is cold, distant, and scary, and so I've become at risk of losing myself and disappearing, just like Chihiro. [If only all I had to do was eat some food to come back to myself!] Why do I feel this way? Because no one truly empathizes nor cares anymore.
Other people's emotions and problems have become the ultimate taboo and the easiest things to dismiss; and, in an age that favours individualism, 'self-growth,' and stereotypical 'success,' behaving 'discerningly' has become the easiest to defend as the way one should 'set boundaries.'
But the reality is this: Judging and ghosting people is not kind. Dismissing their lived experience and emotions is not kind. Discarding friendships because of one's own judgement of another person, especially without discussing it with them first to try to work through things, is not kind. Disregarding people's legitimate health issues, blaming them for their symptoms, labeling them as lazy and negative, and implying they're useless, is not kind. Refusing to see positives in others is not kind. Ignoring what there is to be grateful for in a relationship, is not kind. Condemning others for their struggle and where they're at in the often rigged process of betterment, is not kind.
Being an arrogant bully in the name of 'self-growth' and 'spiritualism', is not kind!
I've had far too many people treat me this way in the past 4 years. I have things to work on, sure; and I am working on them. It's not me, it's a trend; one that crushes people at their most vulnerable.
Beware the self-growth hypocrite who thinks you're great until you've gotten comfortable and trusting enough with them to disclose your true vulnerabilities, and then thinks you should work on yourself - by their standards, for their benefit - or else you're worthless to them. It's the most toxic type of person I've come across - and I grew up in an alcoholic household!
It does seem like any tie can be loosened or broken as long as someone is declared “toxic.” There’s no room for being honest about your life when the rule is good vibes only our you’re out. It’s unfortunate that discarding people has become so popular in self-help these days. I suppose life is simpler when they ditch anyone who might need emotional support, until the time comes when they need help.
I'm glad that you realize the issue is people who are afraid of vulnerability and not you.
Interesting and timely post for me. Hubby is under Hospice care, and I was just reading about this in Barbara Kearns' book, "The Final Act of Living." Thanks for a different perspective.
What do you think of the book? I'll have to add it to my list.
I hope you're getting the support you deserve from hospice as well as from friends.
First, I am on the receiving end of a host of support, and for that I am grateful. As to the book, there are several chapters that I keep re-reading, especially concerning what to expect at end of life. I have discussed several things from the book with our Hospice nurse, and she has verified them. It helps to know what to look for, even though we know that everyone is different.