Parents choose (mostly) have kids knowing that they will need care. Kids have no such choice. When my daughter was born, I knew and expected that I would care for her for years. When I was born, I had no such expectation of caring for a parent. The two situations are just not the same. While I believe in taking care of family, and I am caring for an aged parent, I would not have let that prevent me from starting my own family. That's just not fair.
Our parents care should not trump having a life. I couldn’t have children so I had a career. I earned good money and was setting myself up for a decently self funded retirement. At 40 I had to stop working to care for my husband, then five years in, just as I was able to work part time again my mother needed care and my siblings all said no to her. As I was already a carer I stupidly thought it was only one more person. Mums needs and the guilt trips, the need to entertain her and deal with her demands has my stress levels through the roof. Mums needs are getting high and she point blank refuses even respite in a nursing home. So yes the guilt factor is high with a parent or a spouse.
Parents choose (mostly) have kids knowing that they will need care. Kids have no such choice. When my daughter was born, I knew and expected that I would care for her for years. When I was born, I had no such expectation of caring for a parent. The two situations are just not the same. While I believe in taking care of family, and I am caring for an aged parent, I would not have let that prevent me from starting my own family. That's just not fair.
Our parents care should not trump having a life. I couldn’t have children so I had a career. I earned good money and was setting myself up for a decently self funded retirement. At 40 I had to stop working to care for my husband, then five years in, just as I was able to work part time again my mother needed care and my siblings all said no to her. As I was already a carer I stupidly thought it was only one more person. Mums needs and the guilt trips, the need to entertain her and deal with her demands has my stress levels through the roof. Mums needs are getting high and she point blank refuses even respite in a nursing home. So yes the guilt factor is high with a parent or a spouse.