In Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals Oliver Burkeman takes the idea of “pay yourself first” and translates it from money management to time management.
In budgeting our income, we’re advised to direct money into savings as soon as we get paid. This ensures money is set aside for the future, rather than only saving whatever money is left over at the end of the month. It’s far too rare for money to be left, even without frivolous spending.
Burkeman advises us to do the same with our time. Rather than waiting for everything to be crossed off our to-do list before we do the things that aren’t urgent, we should pay ourselves first. By focusing on what’s most urgent, it’s all too easy to not have time for what’s meaningful. Schedule in time for meaningful things, rather than giving them whatever time is left over, since there’s rarely any time left over.
This seemed like an especially fitting answer for how to make time for those things that are important for caregivers that we never seem to have time to do. Like sleeping, taking ourselves to the doctor, calling our friends, or anything pleasant.
Our days fill up on their own. Things are added to our list of urgent tasks faster than we can cross them off. Burkeman’s solution is to accept that things will not get done. We will all fail at completing our tasks because it simply isn’t possible to succeed at it. We have to set our own priorities, rather than letting them be set by happenstance and other people.
Just as with budgeting money, this idea adapts to the parameters of your life.
When someone is paying rent, student loans, and medical bills they aren’t going to be able to pay themselves first and save 25% of their income.
When someone is raising two kids, helping their partner manage a chronic illness, and trying to be there for a sibling going through a divorce, they’re not going to pay themselves first and spend every Saturday working on that novel they’ve always wanted to write.
Sometimes we have to start with saving a few dollars a week to build an emergency fund and make sure we get to shower reasonably often.
We decide how much of our money can be set aside for some future use. Kinda, sorta. Certain expenses are non-negotiable. Certain things are required to make life feel worthwhile. Our time is the same way. It’s full of things that don’t feel optional and some tough choices for how to allocate the rest of it.
Deanna Zandt has a great piece on the complexity of self care. She points out how often self care is confused for self soothing and highlights the importance of community care.
McMaster University is once again running two courses for caregivers: Caregiving Essentials and Infection Prevention and Control. There’s no cost to attend. You can learn more on Donna Thomson’s site.