The online world can be a source of caring
The internet is not all cesspool. Here are sources of delight
I’m giving us all a break from me this week and bringing you some lovely things from the internet.
If you feel like you’ve run out of things to say with the people you spend your days with, check out the conversation starters and guides to challenging topics over at the Family Dinner Project.
There’s also the infamous set of 36 questions that lead to love, most of which work as things to chat about with friends and family, too.
When people insist on leaving the TV blaring in the background, I morph into my mother, who strictly limited our TV time.
Many people enjoy having the television on in the background. If you’re like me, you might find a happy compromise with Slow TV. Slow TV features such things as the scenery of long train rides and ship journeys.
There are lots of meditation apps. There is also the moon jelly cam.
I just found out about this program in its final days:
“Faith Matters Network is excited to offer Community Care Office Hours for faith leaders, community organizers, and activists. These office hours are specifically for our religious leaders, organizers, and activists who are being called to the frontlines to navigate through this [COVID] crisis and could use a listening ear to check-in with individually.”
You can schedule an appointment here. Be quick, since the program ends in a few days.
One of the most dangerous narratives we have in our culture currently is this idea that kindness is free. In the current reality of our world, we feel frustrated that there isn’t more compassion. I hear people say, “Why aren’t people more kind to each other? It doesn’t cost you anything.” And I’m like, “No, it definitely does.”
The sort of kindness that I think drives cultural change requires us to spend our time, our energy, our efforts. At a deeper level, it costs us empathy and listening. I think it costs us discipline and reprioritization. And probably the biggest cost for most people is comfort.
Deep kindness that makes real change is about observing and meeting needs. That’s where empathy plays a huge role. If I don’t spend time first identifying what people are going through, what they’re navigating, what they actually need, then my kindness is going to typically serve me more than it does the person on the far side.
The meaning of what we do doesn’t actually negate the labor it requires. We often act as if it does.
Give yourself credit for what you do.
The #100daysproject starts up again on January 31st. It’s all about choosing a creative project and then doing it for 100 days in a row.
Harriet’s found making time for doodling and Enso circles helpful with managing the stress of being a long-term caregiver and then a source of comfort when her husband died.
Last year I did quick selfie sketches, which I didn’t post online. All it took was a little notepad, a pen, and a few minutes. I didn’t worry about drawing well or improving, it was just to get my brain working in a different way.
You can sign up here to get encouragement or you can just go ahead and do it knowing you’re in good company.
Useful and overlooked skills, from a VC blog, but oddly applicable to life in general:
Diplomatically saying “No.” “No” is often delivered in two damaging ways. One is that a person feels bad saying no even when they want to, so they stall or say “yes” and delay an inevitable “no.” Then you look like a jerk and the other person is let down more than they’d be if you were up front. Another is being unintentionally stern in your “no” in a way that makes the other person never want bring an idea or problem to your attention again. Here again, both sides lose. A diplomatic “no” is when you’re clear about your feelings but empathetic to how the person on the receiving end might interpret those feelings.
It’s okay to want validation. If you want to quietly brag (or vent), feel free to do it in our private Facebook groups. You can even post anonymously now.
Making friends and moving existing relationships online requires its own set of social skills. Here’s a great (short) guide to online friendships.
Last year I discovered the joy of running errands with friends. When there’s no time to socialize, you can turn waiting in line at the post office and the pharmacy into time to catch up. Anne Helen Peterson writes about errands friends in her latest newsletter.
I can very much relate to what she says about the intimacy of inviting friends into your normal life. I don’t know when friends stopped being part of my daily life and became exclusively an extra thing I needed to make time for, but it wasn’t an improvement.
In Toronto it’s verboten to run errands with friends right now. Audio books make the time fly by during lineups. I’m thrilled with how many books are available in audio book versions.
Check your library’s website to see what app they use and what books they have available. Many libraries are now allowing you to sign up for access online.
Last week I mentioned how I’ll be matching people for group chats. There’s still time to sign up to join a group of 5 or 6 other people who get it. We’ll connect on email with lightly guided discussions for the first few weeks.
If dogs are your stress relief, perhaps you’d like to subscribe to Some Dogs, the newsletter that introduces you to a new dog with each issue.