Overdue for a call
Not making time for something is not the same as not giving a crap
“A difficult thing you learn as a grown-up is that, if you’re lucky, you’re going to have to get rid of a lot of things you love. There isn’t enough space in a single life for everything you love. And that’s really painful; actually, it’s kind of tragic.”
It made me think of how easy it is to assume that the friend who hasn’t kept up with us just can’t be bothered. Or because they couldn't handle the intensity of being friends with someone who's connected to the reality of disability and dying.
When I think about someone I haven't spoken to in a while I don't think ‘gee, I'm so glad I haven't spoken to them in a year! They really make me feel uncomfortable by making me face the realities of the human condition’ or ‘screw them, they always sucked anyway and now they're no fun.’ I usually think ‘how has it been a year already? I miss them!’
That's the thing living — there is not enough space in my life for everyone I love. Even right now, when I'm floating in the lull, enjoying a period where I'm only responsible for myself. You know how busy you are.
Who do you miss? Maybe it’s time to give them a call. Or, when there’s no time for a real conversation, send a voice message.
How to befriend your neighbors
Trying to make sense of things can keep us stuck
“I am always both ready for anything and worried about everything!”
David Whyte: “The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”
I’m reading Emily Kenway’s Who Cares and loving her explanations of how and why government support for care work is both essential and inherently insufficient. She vignettes of people creating alternate paths to care, which can work alongside formal support.
I watched The Ultimatum this week and was disappointed, although not surprised, that we didn’t learn more about Mildred’s role as the parent of a teenager with disabilities and how she and Tiff navigated that together.
Dear Cori - I should be writing thank you after each of your weekly notes. This one and all the others. Or after so many of the links and references you provide. You are a treasure. Thank you.