On the same page, in the same world
What happens when we see the world differently than those we love
Carissa Potter explores lying, collective truths, and shared reality in Bad at Keeping Secrets. One of the examples is the sense of betrayal and unreality we can experience when discovering someone doesn't agree with a fact held as part of our identities: “In high school, her idol, a teacher named Dr. Whiles turns out to be a holocaust denier. What happens when you love and trust someone, someone who has helped you shape your personhood, but then no longer shares your reality?”
It reminded me of Dasha Kiper’s Travelers from Unimaginable Lands, a memoir that explores how spending time with someone with dementia can mess with our heads and shift our behavior in troubling ways.
When we discover someone we admire believes something we believe to be false, it can shake our worlds, perhaps in the same way that dementia can. I wonder if this is why the way each of us has adjusted to life during the pandemic has been so divisive and traumatic to families and friend groups.
Discovering that we view the world so differently from someone highlights the distance between us, the fact that we don't exist in the shared reality we thought we had. It can't be us and them against the world if we're not in the same world, eh?
More thoughts on reality: what's the illness and what's the person?
How to talk about the things we haven't talked about
What it takes to fight a US health insurance denial
A guide to advocating for caregivers in the UK
Disaster relief meets disability justice
We've all heard the Rosalynn Carter quote: “There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.” Her story is a reminder that most of us cycle through all four of those roles.
Thank you, as always for your thought-provoking writing and links.