Feeling frazzled
Connecting and disconnecting
Some weeks I just feel frazzled.
These aren’t necessarily the weeks when I have the most to do. They’re the weeks when I just can’t seem to get anything done, no matter how much effort and time I put in. I have a lot of balls in the air. I’m unsure of how to move forward. Things aren’t going according to plan.
The things I’m working on — things to schedule, things to follow up on, things to figure out how to do — accumulate like open browser tabs until my brain starts acting like my overheated laptop.
These are the weeks when the clock ticks towards Monday and I realize I haven’t written a newsletter yet.
Opening up Substack, I saw the explanation for this writers block:
When I’m following a routine, it feels kind of effortless. Not to say there’s no effort in the things I do every week, but there’s no effort required besides the actually doing them part. I know what things to be done, how to do them, and when to do them. Certainly, I’m not always enthusiastic about rolling up my sleeves, but it’s easy enough to just do it anyway.
The tasks that throw me off are the ones that are mysterious. I’m waiting to hear back. I’m not sure of what needs to be done or how or when. I can’t find the parts and tools I need. I keep hitting roadblocks. It all feels unpredictable and uncontrollable. These are the things I procrastinate on, because how do I buckle down and just do it when I’m not even sure what to do?
It’s these mysterious tasks that stay in the back of my mind while I’m going about my day. Instead of being fully present in where I actually am, what I’m actually doing, and who I’m actually with, a percentage of my brain is puzzling together those open to-do list tasks.
When I shift out of the moment into being frazzled, I end up not really listening to people, skimming instead of reading, doing things half way, and making mistakes. Half of me is thinking about other tasks.
Sometimes this partial attention is great, because a solution will come to me while I’m unloading the dishwasher. Other times it’s not so great, because I find my mind wandering during an important conversation and I struggle to focus well enough to get my work done.
How can I write anything thoughtful when I’m only half paying attention? I can’t.
How can I feel connected when I’m only half there? I can’t.
No wonder I feel so frazzled. Once I’m in this half way there mode, I’ve disconnected from the things that fuel me.
I wish the solution were some magical way to be done with these mysterious tasks. To somehow remove the uncertainty so I could get things done and cross it all off my list. Alas, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Instead, I have to dial out the background noise of life and tune in to the present moment.
