On panic attacks
A friend passed on an analogy she'd heard and liked about panic attacks: they're like that smoke detector that goes off every time you cook. It goes off every time, even though you're not in danger.
This is a helpful analogy for people who experience true panic disorder or PTSD. But the vast majority of people who tell me about their panic attacks don't seem to have overly sensitive smoke detectors. While the symptoms of a panic attack might not be the most helpful response, the people who experience panic attacks live in circumstances that seem obviously deserving of panic.
What is chronic stress but one long string of emergency situations, each of which is a damn good reason to panic?
Maybe the smoke alarm is going off while you're cooking, but it's actually in response to a CO2 leak because it's one of those new combined detectors. Maybe the smoke alarm is going off because you're in California and your whole town is on fire. Maybe it's going off because you haven't changed its batteries in five years and you only notice the noise when you're in the kitchen. Maybe it's not the smoke detector, maybe it's actually the alarm you set up to tell you that someone who has dementia has just wandered out the front door.
I used to think I had a problem with anxiety around crowds. I'd feel the panic rising in my chest on the subway or at protests or even crossing a busy street sometimes. But then I moved to Toronto and it went away. Except for when I was back in New York it would come back immediately.
Because I don't actually have anxiety around crowds. I have anxiety when there are so many people crammed in a space that I actually can't move or it takes twenty minutes to negotiate my way across a street. When one of those people is a man who is "accidentally" rubbing himself against me. When most of those people are angry and in a rush and ready to snap. When someone is screaming about Jesus and someone else is screaming something racist. When it's not uncommon for people to pass out from the heat while you wait for a train in the summer. I knew it was time to leave New York when I saw someone get stabbed and found myself feeling annoyed because I was one stop from home and could totally have walked if they'd just let us off the train.
In retrospect, it seems like there was a fire.
Usually when someone is having panic attacks it's because they're on the equivalent of that rush hour subway car. Or adrenaline has gotten them through the ride and now they're off and they can finally react to what just happened.
Most of us don't have the option of getting off and never getting back on. Thankfully, there are all sorts of self-care and coping methods to help us deal with anxiety and panic attacks. It's important that there are so many because there's not one thing that works for everyone or works every time. They can be life changing.
But let's stop pretending that there's something wrong with us. Just because the room isn't filled with flames doesn't mean there isn't a fire. Just because everyone else is ignoring the chaos and danger doesn't mean it isn't there.
PS. If you're looking for something to help you get through the chaos, I recently read Dr. James Gordon's books on overcoming depression and trauma. They're both full of different ways to cope with or move on from a difficult experience.