Double checking
When we're living with someone else, usually we divide up the labor. Maybe one person doesn't mind a certain chore or is just better at it.
My ex-wife and I were both pretty organized, but she was a little more...obsessive. After realizing that she'd re-do or obsessively double-check anything I did, I simply let her be in charge of a lot of the financial and legal work of our life together.
She had a confidence and a faith in her abilities that I lacked. She thought she could keep track of every little detail far better than anyone else, including me.
So when something went wrong, I blamed her. And I didn't just blame her, I assumed she'd done it intentionally. Getting something major wrong that delayed our ability to immigrate to Canada by a year. Bringing us to one airport when our flight was at a different airport. I trusted her completely, until I didn't trust her at all.
I started to believe she was making 'mistakes' to get her way when we disagreed.
I've been single for over two years now. Digging through paperwork to file my taxes and update legal documents and move on with my life has made me realize just how much she is a normal, fallible human being. There are so many little mistakes, normal mistakes, inconsequential mistakes.
And of course! She was insisting on doing these things -- and holding on to control -- while she was on all sorts of medications (and painkillers!) and out of work while on disability. Proving that she could still do something.
These mistakes she made are all tiny reminders that I should be a little more gracious in giving people the benefit of the doubt. That I should be both more and less trusting -- that double checking someone's work is normal and necessary and important things shouldn't be left to one person. That I should trust myself a little more.